We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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