well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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