Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
