if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
