Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
