I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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