tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
