And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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