She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
