pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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