Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
