white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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