Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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