I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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