ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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