I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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