Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
