You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
