you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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