Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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