he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
