If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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