Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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