my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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