Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize