Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
