just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
