so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
