but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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