Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
