Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
