You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
