dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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