I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
