is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
