I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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