i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
