He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
