I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We are two peas in an std pod
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
