I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
