does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
