Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
