i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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