all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize