At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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