I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
