my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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