I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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