My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
