Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
