you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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