Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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