If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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