So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
