where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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