My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
