i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize