My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
