I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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