I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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