he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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