dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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