im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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