so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
