1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
