Screwed.edu
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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