saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
