Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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