I am puke
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
