You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
