It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
