i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im on a boat
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