dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
