I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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