I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
