the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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