i don't like sucking hair
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
