I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
