so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
